yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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