I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
