Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
