I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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