I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
