Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My liver just had a heart attack.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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