Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
