dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
