He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize