thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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