i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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