yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
