we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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