ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
