dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
