3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
