The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
