how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
