If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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