I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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