its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
