I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize