im gay
i know
yea but for you.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
