Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
