Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
