; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
