evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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