we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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