Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
