i permit you to call me
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
