K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
