You smell like stripper and shame
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Less talking, more tequila
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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