He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I did not marry a roomba.
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