yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
