God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
