just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Actions speak louder than pants.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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