oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i think i just lost a toe
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
