Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
