Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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