Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just want nice things and good sex
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Enjoy the penises
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
