Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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