I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
