Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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