I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
