Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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