I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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