Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
