You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
