I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize