Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
