Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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