it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am naked and annoyed.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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