Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
