News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize