I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
