well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
