Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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