I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
