So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
