Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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