Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
