All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
