Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize