Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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