yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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