Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
