Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize