shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
