so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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