pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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