we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
