Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Watching her eat just hurts me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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