Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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