I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
