I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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