WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
