yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
