omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
