I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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