we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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