I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
