It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
