I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
