The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
