i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
