Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
