sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
