we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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