tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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