Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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