she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
