so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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