I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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