I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize