I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Randomize
