its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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