That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Semen is not good for contacts.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
