we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
