One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
