Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
