Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
