did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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