Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
