Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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