I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
