Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize