I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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