I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
