On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
