Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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