I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
